So many single guys and gals who are in the “Single – Never Married” category at the Online Dating Sites and Internet Personals get to that wonderful We’re a Couple Stage.
And then they get stymied. “Great, I’m in a Relationship! Now what?” That is often when they approach me to work with them as their Relationship Coach.
Because they’ve never been married before. Or they have been married, and don’t want to repeat their former mistakes. It’s ok. We are all human, right? But they want to learn and move forward.
Getting TO The Relationship really was The Goal they held in their mind.
– They have succeeded.
– They are there now.
– NOW WHAT?
How do you build and foster a Relationship?
What do you really WANT in a Relationship?
What does Being In and Having A Relationship MEAN to you?
They have successfully negotiated Exclusivity, Long Term Relationship, and Continuity to your being A Couple, and now you ARE one. Now you have LIFE before you. What do you want to include in that LIFE together as you further evaluate the possibility of Being Together for Life?
The Mundane Things of Life
The mundane things of life are actually what comprise much of life. Rather than treating these as annoying chores that must be endured, thereby leaving you to endure about 87% of your life, choose a different attitude. The mundane tasks of life can now be opportunities for creating greater connection and intimacy. Doing the dishes together can be a time for connecting about your day. Folding the laundry and matching the socks can be a time to inquire about your partners thoughts about world news and events.
You can have a conversation while doing these things, and ladies, I’ll let you in on another secret. Often taciturn men will open up and talk more when you are not making eye contact with them and they are in the midst of DOING SOMETHING. Once they are talking on one subject they enjoy, like a warmed up diesel engine, they are more likely to keep talking. “So, how about that football game last night?….How are things at work going?”
Create Memories Together
Remember to Live and to Do Interesting Things Together.
Quite often a couple who is dating will get into a rut. Marred couples do this, too. We’ve all seen it happen, perhaps with our parents. Perhaps that’s a fear you have about getting married. “I might get bored. Anything but that!”
Mix things up a little to keep things lively and interesting. Go on a weekend road trip. Take a trip to another metropolitan area together. Fly to a foreign country. Some couples really enjoy planning those trips in advance, like the anticipation of sexual flirtation and foreplay, the planning and anticipation builds up and extends the fun and pleasure.
Sometimes taking a trip at the last minute creates excitement and fosters a feeling of spontaneity as well in the relationship. Gentlemen, do show up Friday night with your itinerary in hand and say, “Honey, we’re going to sunny San Diego this weekend! Pack your bags!”
She might initially resist, “Oh, I have a million things to do!”
But you already knew your schedule with her this weekend (because you’ve been talking with her while doing the dishes and going grocery shopping, right? Good.), that’s just her fear. It’s next weekend that she has 5 errands she HAS to do. Display your masculine leadership and INSIST on going away this weekend. Taking these periodic trips together helps to avoid that dreadful feeling of He Takes Me for Granted or She Never Appreciates Me.
And you are building MEMORIES together. Memories you can share together when you are in assisted living later in life when frail. Memories to cement the relationship and recollect together for years to come with children, nieces, nephews and cousins.
Memories to make for interesting conversations with other people so you continue to be interesting and involved in life. Go ahead, build some memories, and over time you will now slowly realize, you have a successful, long term, fulfilling relationship. It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?