We already know that being involved with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder never works out. But what is it exactly that makes the narcissist such an evil character in a relationship? What makes the narcissist so unfixable and why does he or she care about how much they emotionally devastate the other person? The answers to these and many other baffling questions about narcissism can, in large part, be credited to what I call the narcissist's pathological relationship agenda. It is an agenda that is not and never can be conducive to a healthy relationship. Based on lies and deceit, it is as dysfunctional as dysfunctional can get and it must be realized for exactly what it is.
Everything starts with the narcissistic (or sociopathic or psychopathic) borderline personality disorder – a disorder that basically renders a person, from childhood, incapable of truly feeling any number of compassionate human emotions (ie sympathy, empathy and, of course, love). The inability to feel these emotions, however, does not mean that an intuitive narcissist cannot understand them and then mimic them at appropriate times to achieve a desired result. Simply put, narcissistic partners will say anything to get what they want with utter disregard for the feelings of the other person. Certainly evil in its own way, this particular pathological ploy – namely, the lying – gives the narcissist a thrill and is the foundation for the agenda.
When the narcissist's partner, as the recipient of the false gestures, realizes or discovers the lie, it's normal for him or her to feel betrayed, angry, shocked, confused, sad, and more. Again, in accordance with the (pathological) relationship agenda, it is now this suffering of the other person – a suffering caused by the narcissist's very own words or actions – that gives the narcissist a "high" … a feeling of importance. .. a feeling of being alive in his otherwise lifeless world. The more you suffer, the more he knows you really care.
Yes, this all may sound evil and harsh but it is what it is. The pathological agenda plays out in every single relationship the narcissist will ever have – whether it be with a lover, friend, sibling, parent, co-worker, or his or her own children. The fact is that these particular actions – as deliberately hurtful as they are – are ingrained in the narcissistic personality and can never ever be fixed. That being said, they should never ever be tolerated. Recognizing this type of narcissistic emotional abuse and then separating oneself from the individual causing the grief is the only way to ever end the nonsense.